I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
