I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
