The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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