Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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