This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
