Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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