how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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