did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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