You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
