I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
