I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
