I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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