I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
