My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
