I just saw a hot homeless man
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
