so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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