Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
