just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
