Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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