Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
