Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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