I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
