This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
