how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
