walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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