My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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