This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
