i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize