walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
