Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
