I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
