Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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