Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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