Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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