I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
