This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
