i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
