alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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