I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
