i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
