I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
