I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
