drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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