Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
