Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
