I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
