I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
