you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
