Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
