Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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