yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
