i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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