I just saw a hot homeless man
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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