WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
