WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
