K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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