if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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