he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize