She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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