I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
