Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
