I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize