i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
