Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
