my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize