You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
