He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
