So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
