True but thats because hes a fetus.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
