I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
