I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
