So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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