You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just had sex bonerless
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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