The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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