I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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