Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
