I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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