you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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