Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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