This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
