so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
