I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
